Tuesday, July 22, 2008

~Troubled Waters~

('Ula' click to view large)

I'm finding it to be a very tumultuous time right now. The painting above is the first thing I have managed to complete in about a month. My mind is like that cluttered closet that you open...and shit falls out everywhere...Flustered? Yes, I guess that would be a perfect word to discribe my state of mind. And so I felt a little venting would be in good order...although to be honest, I'm not a very good venter...sort of soft-core if you will. It all comes back to believing that I've got no business being in this place, when there are so many others with bigger problems.

Speaking of problems...I've just started this great book, How to See Yourself As You Really Are, by the Dalai Lama.(Because after finishing a sweeping epic like Marley & Me, it's naturally the next thing on one's reading list.) Right off the bat...in the introduction, he got me. He speaks of how if we approach our problems with humanity...with love and compassion, the problem will cease to exist. If we face our problems with anger,or hurt we are just adding more problems on top the original situation. Someone very close to me is walking through a very difficult situation right now...the kind of situation where one doesn't usually find a whole lot of compassion for your fellow man. She knows we love her, and are willing help however we can... so there isn't a whole lot more I can do about it right now.

Then there is just the matter that I feel out of control. I can't seem to concentrate very well...I need to make a plan for my future. What do I want to do with my art..? What do I want to do with my yoga teaching? So far what I've come up with is a name...(Rising Lotus),and the idea to teach evenings art/yoga to children, and just yoga to adults. I would like to get my art out into galleries(I think!)...I don't know. See what I mean?

I just feel like casting all this disorder aside...and running...through the green grass and flipping a few cartwheels...or diving into the deep blue sea and becoming a sea goddess. Hmmm...I wonder if they ever have to deal with this stuff?


smith kaich jones said...

Oh surely cartwheels will help! Upside down & around & again & things may just fall into their natural place. All that stuff you've accumulated in your pockets will fall out & you'll be lighter & feel unencumbered & free!

Now if this works, you be sure to let me know!!

:) Debi

daisies said...

sea goddesses most definitely do not have to deal with this stuff but then i think they would have a hard time flipping cartwheels in fields ;-)

sending you a warm hug ... i too am reading that very same book right now ... and also thinking i don't have to decide everything right now, i just have to live with my heart right now ... easier said than done.

we really have to find a way to get together ... would love to drink tea and listen to you ...


rebecca said...

i haven't read that book yet from dalai lama...i'll have to pick one up.... such a wise man.

and who doesn't become flustered now and again? and, i like you, when i do, i also feel the same... what right do i have?

but this is just a tiny pebble that you've stepped on along the road to life.... pick it up, examine it, and see what beauty can be found...

your painting is beautiful. oh, how i wish i had the talent to paint like that... you're very talented.

love and light,

Pam said...

Your painting is beautiful I have enjoyed visiting here.

Sacred Suzie said...

I've been feeling a lot of Kali the destroyer energy in me too. I wonder if it's the time of year? I hope that the compassion route works for you. There is something in your words that has helped me, I am so hard on myself. Thank you for that. Sometimes we really need to be compassionate with ourselves. I hope you figure out the next step for you and find your creative path. The painting is beautiful! Your work needs a place in the world right now.

Anonymous said...

This painting is beautiful! You are so talented.
I need to get that book! I love the Dalai Lama (who doesn't, I guess). But I can really resonate with where your head is at. Lmao at the cluttered closet analogy - I get it! You write with such a great sense of wit!

I really LOVE your "Rising Lotus" idea...and the idea to teach art/yoga to children...that is so inspiring. DO IT!!
My favourite organic coffee house displays children's art made at a local art gallery. They hang some adult's paintings and drawings there as well.
Check out something like that in your area?
Make a plan and turn the disorder into order. (that's MY plan anyway).

Joan said...

Dear beautiful hearted you,

I can SO relate to all of this... hence my on again off again blogging.
I'm reading this book 'The Van Gogh Blues' by eric maisel and he talks about how artists are 'wired differently than the average person'. How we cannot be happy with merely existing... we need to know the deep things, and we need to know why we are here and what our gift is for...
how artists get depressed often, but it is different from clinical depression.

I say all of this only to say 'you are so not alone'!

I admire people who can come to their blog and vent and get loving support and feedback in return.

Me? I tend to struggle with it all and come back to blogging as a way of recording the process and what I may have learned...
the push and pull the yin and yang, it is all just part of the unique make-up of the 'creative', of which you most certainly are one!

I doubt this rambling helps much... I just want you to know I am floating right along side you and so are so many others, and the troubled waters? The tide ALWAYS turns :)

Just think, pretty soon we will all be doing our happy dance together :)

so much love to you beautiful celeste.