Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
I'm 'supposed' to be cleaning my house. I'd 'planned' on finally finishing this painting...the Mount Everest sized pile of clean laundry 'needs' to be folded...and put away?!(You may think I'm slightly exaggerating the size of my laundry pile, but I'm not!)
And so....here I am...with my butt suction-cupped to my computer chair...reading some beautiful blogs...putting some really cool tie-dyed clothes on my ebay watch-list...and othewise doing sweet @#$% all.
And guess what? It's not bothering me a bit. In fact I'm wishing you a day like this real soon...and hoping that whatever you are up to today is filling you with joy.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Something has been occupying my mind, as of late. Really, I guess it's something that has been tapping on my psyche for the past six months or so. I will be turning 39 on January.18th...but that's not it. Okay, maybe part of it. Really, I guess it's this almost palpable sensation of my own unfurling. Now, this might sound completely nuts, but I just feel like I'm turning 18 all over again. It's quite exhilarating! Physically...mentally...emotionally...it feels like I'm rediscovering who I am, and what I want for myself. I am fervourantly trying to tell my inner critic to piss off, and let me get on with it already. I'm making a conscious effort to push away all my old fears. Baby steps...but steps none the less.
As Dr.Christane Northrup has so beautifully said....I am 'giving birth' to myself.
Key to this whole process is my husband.We are high school sweethearts, and have been happily together for almost 21 years(married 17 of them). We have basically grown up together.We became homeowners at 21...parents at 23...He has had more love, faith, and confidence in me, than I have ever had in myself.
I would say our relationship parallels renovating this old house we live in. We rushed headlong in...eyes closed....hearts open. Getting comfortably settled in...all the while ignoring that leaky foundation until one day....
And so, we went back, and fixed most of those cracks. Slowly, we worked through one room at a time...opened some doors...closed some doors...opened windows, and let the air and sunshine in...now everything is(most days)fresh...and light...and lovely.
And here we are today. We are not a fairytale...but a very REAL life love affair. I am married to a man who shows me he loves me everyday. And it is this that is helping to give me the freedom to play.
I am perfectly content to not know all the answers...to not know what is next. Experience with the past, has taught me that I will embrace whatever future comes my way.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
is a very, very, very fine house. I love that old Crosby,Still,Nash,and Young song...I have since I was a kid...
I had walked by her many times over the years. Wondered what she looked like inside...if she was being taken care of. Tucked in some corner of my mind, I knew that she would be ours someday.
Our journey with her began when I noticed the 'for sale' sign in front of her ten years ago on a frosty January afternoon. I'd been out for a walk with our son Joe, who was then three months old. I could scarcely breathe as I rushed home to call the realtor.
I'll never forget the feeling of walking up those saggy, creaky, front porch steps...nor the first time walking through that front door. The years had not been kind to her,to say the least....but the feelings of love...and warmth...and joy literally oozed from the walls. I fell in love, then and there. I'm sure some people thought I was suffering from some post-partum psychosis...including the realtor...and my husband, Jon. Jon did come around though...after I pointed out that yard was so big that he could build his dream garage.
And so literally ten years of blood, sweat, and tears began...and she's not quite done...but getting there. She has kept us safe, and warm. She has let us poke at her, tear her down, build her back up...add on to her. We have created in her...loved in her...laughed in her.
And this weekend she will turn eighty-nine years old....Happy Birthday 'Rosemary'.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I found a great post on another blog...if you could think of five things that you wanted to be when you grew up....what would they be...
Okay, here I go with my list....
1. Princess. Now, you should know that I am the most 'unprincess-like' girl, but this was a favorite fantasy of mine whenever I was grounded to my room. I was always sure that at any minute my 'real' parents...who of course, were the King and Queen of some imaginary country, would sweep into my room and whisk me away to my castle.(After I turned my impostor parents into toads, of course!).
2. Classical Guitarist. I just fell in love with the shear beauty of the guitar when I was about thirteen. I saved up a lot of babysitting money and purchased myself a brand-new shiny Yamaha classical guitar....then spent a lot more babysitting money on the lessons. I believe being a musician is a natural gift that you are born with. And although I didn't turn into Liona Boyd, I can tell you the little 'Contre Danse' that I can play brings me so much joy....as does listening to my fifteen year old son playing some Black Sabbath on his electric. He is a natural.
3. Singer. Now, this is something that I know I'm good at. In high school I put myself through voice lessons,and always did the solos in our dinner theatre shows. My most notable performance would have been my rendition of Cyndy Lauper's 'Time After Time' complete with purple and orange spray painted hair, and too many bangles on my wrists to count. Letting it all hang out in front strangers was never a problem, but put me in front of people I know, and I'm rendered a songbird without a voice. These days though, I have been known to turn into the 'Karaoke Queen' when plied with enough liquid courage. (Hmmm...perhaps I was a princess after all.)
4. Mom. I really think I was just born a mom. I am the oldest of four kids. I have three of my own now. I have loved every second of watching their personalities unfold before me...their gifts becoming apparent. Dylan, our oldest, is now fifteen. I love how he takes Jon and I back to our teenage years. I mentioned his musical prowess...he's an even more awesome athlete. Joe, is 10. He is our intellectual. Super smart...insatiable curiosity. Quiet, loving. Rhianna, our daughter,is 8 and a completely shameless extrovert. I love it! She and dances whenever and wherever she wants. She puts IT out there, and offers no apologies. She is who I would like to be.
I have also ran my own family dayhome for years. This has been wonderful for teaching my children to respect others, and empathy...and I love being surrounded by the positive energy that these little people bring.
5. You know once you get on a roll...it is hard to stick to five, but my fifth thing is (a drum roll, if you please)......Artist. And, I have, in fact become one. I like to think of it as my night job, or the one I squeeze in when I have five minutes too myself during the day. It has taken me awhile to figure out how to put what I am trying to communicate with my art. After a little soul-searching I can say, just the beauty of the human spirit...kindness...beauty...sensuality... the wide open boundless love we all possess.
I have sold quite a bit, but it is definitely secondary to the need to create.(That's not to say that I don't daydream about being a full-time artist someday.) I think creativity is the child in us that never grows up. Basically, paint and canvas= pure bliss and connection to my true self.
Other things I've dreamt of are yoga teacher(which I am pursuing.),poet, English professor....oh, and once I wanted to be a psychic....which unfortunately I'm just not. (I can, sort of read Tarot cards though...maybe that sort of counts?)
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I was feeling inspired today. It just felt so good. This is a poem that I am going to turn into a children's book. The whimsical painting is one I did for Girls Incorporated of New Hampshire annual televised auction a couple of years ago. I called it 'The Tie That Binds'.
I felt most honoured to be asked to participate in this. Girls Inc. is a wonderful organization that empowers girls, and encourages developing a strong sense of self. This is a concept that is very important to me, having my own little girl.
When I was a little girl, I lived by the sea.
My Mama would come down to the beach,
To sit and daydream with me.
One day as we ventured along the rocky shore,
I spied something that I'd never glimpsed before.
A mermaid, and HER mama!
So beautiful, so serene,
With garlands of seashells in their hair,
That made them look like queens.
"Look mama!", I whispered. My Mama gasped amazed.
We watched them frolicking together,
Their tails fluttering like lace.
I giggled quietly to Mama, and thought to call,"Hello".
Mama softly shushed me,"We might frighten them. Let's leave them alone."
And so we watched them joyfully ride the swelling waves.
From our little driftwood hideaway, snuggled by our bay.
As quick as they came, they dove back down below.
And Mama said we'd better head back, it was time to go.
We hiked up our familiar path, Mama in the lead.
And as I glanced back out to sea,
The mermaid and her mama waved good-bye to me!