Today I put on an old broken record...all scratched and crackly came the sweet sounds of...

* I'm tired
* I'm overwhelmed
* I'm trying to hard
* I've got too much to do...and no time to do it...
* Who the hell do I think I'm foolin'...


Yes...pretty much I listened to it skip over...and over...and over...I know you've probably got one of these records too...hiding in some dusty corner. The truth of the matter is that I'm crabby, and sick with a bad sinus cold today. I am a 'grumblebum', which is a pet name I have for my kids when they feel like this. I am tired. I had a really crappy sleep last night...and I am trying to do too much today. I have children to care for, heaps of laundry, a big assignment to finish for school this weekend, dogs watching my every move for the 'sign' that they are going to get their walk...finally...and I'm laughing at myself right now, because I just made a 'to do' list for tonight that includes vacuuming...cleaning the upstairs bathroom...study time...and hopefully a hot bath...if I'm not to tired to drag myself into the tub.

I am just trying to fool myself...and as I type this I know that I am, by far, not the only woman out there who does this. Why, why, why?

I'm thinking I shouldn't be sitting here typing right now. I should be spending the last few quiet moments before my little ones wake up from their naps curled up on the couch with my pups...sipping my tea...

So if you'll please excuse the mild mannered rantings of one sleep deprived girl...I'm off to put my feet up...and maybe even rest my eyes for 10 minutes...and to remind myself that...tomorrow is another day...:)

xo

(Presents from my kids...Photo by Joe Johnston :)
Your dreams have already all come true...you just need to open your eyes... Can you dare to believe this? After this weekend...I almost have too...

Sunday I turned forty. That evening found me standing with my husband twenty-something feet in the air...in the shell of a building under construction...looking out lovely arched windows...out over farmer's fields...and okay, train tracks. My heart in my mouth, my ears barely registering the words...'Your studio'...my mind whispering to me...Possibilities Celeste? No reality...if you finally surrender your fears, your doubts...this is your reality...right here, right now. I know this. I know it with every cell of my body...and saying this...to be really honest,scares me.

There is a business plan to write...finishes to pick...legal details...costs...equipment...and I'm sure hundreds of other things that I haven't even thought of. However...I know before I tackle all of this, I'm going to need to find some silence...let everything sink in...and just remind myself to...

Breathe...

xo

Just finished...

(In Dreams...9x12 Mixed Media)

Artisticly speaking...I have been struggling lately. I sit to work, and find myself just flooded with emotions, and thoughts...and then a hollow frustration with myself. I know, often I don't heed my own advice. :) So, as I put the finishing touches on this piece this morning, there came a sigh of relief...and then the calm...and here comes that word again...a renewed sense of 'hope'.

Much love...
xo

~Scattered...

(Your are what you read...?)

I've been asked over the past few days why I haven't posted lately...And, here I sit tonight, unable to sleep...Thoughts tripping over one another in my mind...feeling very much scattered...wondering where to focus...where to begin...

With this New Year, Jon and I have begun a flurry of activity around here. Trying to catch up on the many, many little unfinished things around our home. We just created a cozy new dining area, which has already had a big family dinner...It's full of light and colour...and I love it...



The best part was that it cost us nothing, because it was all stuff that we had already...but it has just been such a breath of fresh air...inspiring us to keep moving on...



With this...also comes the realization that I probably spend ninety percent of my time in this house...I live here...I work here...I create here...And while this place is ever so dear to me, the urge to get out exploring is growing very strong. Maybe it's the New Year...maybe it's that I am going to be 40 in less than two weeks...maybe it's seeing my children get older, and more independent...I don't know, but there is a definite 'turning of the page' feeling...In some ways it feels as if I've been walking around with part of myself crumpled up in the back pocket of my jeans, and I want to take her out...smooth out the wrinkles...and see if I can still make her out.

I know that kind of sounds like I'm unhappy...but really, it's the exact opposite. I am so grateful to be where I am at...Sometimes I find myself breathless thinking of the possibilities...painting...teaching yoga...taking those art classes...going on a solo road trip...going on a retreat...or visiting an ashram...and to have a partner saying go for it...well,I find that invaluable, to say the least.

Yet still, at times, like right now, I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all...I hope if I sit with this in a quiet place for a little while answers will come...Hmmmm...hope...Could that be my word for 2009? For now though...I've got to try and get some sleep...

Peace and love...
xo