I've been asked over the past few days why I haven't posted lately...And, here I sit tonight, unable to sleep...Thoughts tripping over one another in my mind...feeling very much scattered...wondering where to focus...where to begin...
With this New Year, Jon and I have begun a flurry of activity around here. Trying to catch up on the many, many little unfinished things around our home. We just created a cozy new dining area, which has already had a big family dinner...It's full of light and colour...and I love it...
The best part was that it cost us nothing, because it was all stuff that we had already...but it has just been such a breath of fresh air...inspiring us to keep moving on...
With this...also comes the realization that I probably spend ninety percent of my time in this house...I live here...I work here...I create here...And while this place is ever so dear to me, the urge to get out exploring is growing very strong. Maybe it's the New Year...maybe it's that I am going to be 40 in less than two weeks...maybe it's seeing my children get older, and more independent...I don't know, but there is a definite 'turning of the page' feeling...In some ways it feels as if I've been walking around with part of myself crumpled up in the back pocket of my jeans, and I want to take her out...smooth out the wrinkles...and see if I can still make her out.
I know that kind of sounds like I'm unhappy...but really, it's the exact opposite. I am so grateful to be where I am at...Sometimes I find myself breathless thinking of the possibilities...painting...teaching yoga...taking those art classes...going on a solo road trip...going on a retreat...or visiting an ashram...and to have a partner saying go for it...well,I find that invaluable, to say the least.
Yet still, at times, like right now, I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all...I hope if I sit with this in a quiet place for a little while answers will come...Hmmmm...hope...Could that be my word for 2009? For now though...I've got to try and get some sleep...
Peace and love...
xo
19 comments:
what an interesting post and i hope you were able to get some sleep :)
i know what you mean by 'scattered' sometimes i cannot post on my blog for days as i dont know what to write, i feel i have nothing to say and at times my path feels scattered and it makes me almost unproductive.
...your home looks wonderful, always an inspiration to me for my own home :)
Is there ever enough time to read all the books I have and want to own? Reading is such a gift!
Happy new year and happy new adventures.
Your new space is lovely and so colorful and inviting. And it is the best feeling when it is created with things already owned.
Tell me, as a teacher of yoga, any suggestion for a novice like me on not giving up? I've tried it a few times and because I am carrying an extra 30 lbs. I find many poses to be very challenging and, of course, I am stiff from years of not stretching my muscles. I always long and wish to be a yoga follower and yet each time I begin I discourage quite easily thinking I will never get it.
Rebecca, thank you so much for your question. I know this might sound strange, but the first thing I would say is that yoga has very little to do with the actual physical postures...It is about living your life with a sense of truth...love...and compassion...for everyone, and this includes yourself in a big way. You are honouring yourself simply by bringing yourself to your mat. If you are going to yoga classes try focusing on only yourself, and not what others are doing around you because this can be intimidating. Be gentle with yourself...it's okay to challenge yourself a little, but nothing should be painful. Yoga is meant to be a beautiful moving meditation. Your primary focus should be your breath, and engaging your core muscles (the pelvic floor, and lower abdominals.) Everything else will gradually radiate from here as your practice progresses.
I hope this helps you. If there is anything else you need, please feel free to email me. :)
xo
I was going to comment on the scattered-ness of life & things in general, but your response to Rebecca leads me to a thank you. I, too, have been feeling overwhelmed lately. I've been managing to keep blogging, but there are days it is a true struggle - although for me, the blogging lately seems to help. But I am tired & achy - not sick - just exhausted & cannot seem to get enough sleep. Your response makes me know that it is okay to be kind to myself, to take the phone off the hook, to do nothing if nothing feels right at this particular moment.
Pre-40 congrats! I can't wait to see what direction you take - the world is wide open!
:) Debi
I love where you put the painting. It is awesome. Celeste your words are addicting and always paint a picture.
40 in less than two weeks, that surely can have an influence on so many feelings! I turned 50 last year and it made me take notice, there are some numbers that do that. Be gentle with yourself. Seems like you might be ready to celebrate, if I were closer to you, i would host a celebration in my wee cabin or in the woods.
I love your response to Rebecca. You are an inspiration!
I am looking forward to finding out more about the girl in your back pocket. I feel the same way, connected to an old part of me yet also transforming how I see the world and my life at home. When you're home all the time, it's good to move things around and see if it feels different.
Hope is a wonderful word to carry through 2009. I too turn 40 this year...maybe I don't have the body of my youth, but the wisdom I have gain through the years is priceless. I love that I am more comfortable in my skin than ever before! Cheers to you!
Hope is what I hear from you here, and that is just the best feeling ever...endless possibility....and it seems that many of us have been doing the cleaning of the house, rearrange things "thing." It feels great. Your dining room is beautiful. Happy happy new year to you! love, jen.xo
I love, love, love your space! It's so organic and cozy! And isn't it great how once you begin that "flurry" of activity, a whole new energy seems to take over?
And you're turning 40!!(are you a fellow Aquarius, by chance?).
Sounds like a perfect time to step back and ponder and think scattered thoughts.
40 was a huge transition for me. Bigger than 30, and everyone says THAT'S the big one! - ha!
Hope sounds like a wonderful word for your year.
And your hubby sounds like a wonderful, awesome supportive partner who "gets you". I so want to meet a guy who "gets me".
You inspire me...again!
:)
WOW - what a wonderful post - so FULL of hope!
I loved this part the best: "In some ways it feels as if I've been walking around with part of myself crumpled up in the back pocket of my jeans, and I want to take her out...smooth out the wrinkles...and see if I can still make her out."
Ooh, it gave me a shiver!
(and what you said to Rebecca? It's the nicest thing I have ever heard said about yoga practice ever! You ARE an INSPIRATION!!!)
xoox
I come away from this post with one shining thought: Creating something beautiful with what you already have.
That is monumetal!
I love your cozy home. It looks dreamy :) What a lovely environment to house you 90% of the time!
I look forward to sharing this journey with you and seeing where your adventure outside takes you :)
So many possiblities and an encouraging partner sounds like a future that can't miss!
I love Sark so much for her reminders that we can witness our lives, realize transformative things, and then go take naps!! :) Naps are good. The world will still be here when we wake.
I had a friend tell me tonight that she wants her creative exploration to become more "ease-full" than overwhelming this year. She's leaning into ease. It was such gooood energy to be around just now!
Ease-full, joy-full, discovery. Looking forward to seeing how all the secrets unfold for you, too!
miracles,
k-
the word that jumped to my mind while reading your post was
L E A P !
write it all down Sweetie...
and that beautiful flower painting against the wall is gorgeous! like you xx
Hello from a fellow Canadian!
Hope. What a great reminder of such a strong and powerful word.
As i read all of the posts of the 84 blogs that are part of the 12 Secrets group, i am filled with hope that we will be nourished, inspired and challenged in good ways.
Your space is beautiful, and your writing calming.
I look forward to learning and sharing with you!
best,
Lisa
I like your new dining space.
Hope is dancing all around you, inviting you to see all its possibilities. Follow your heart, and you can't go wrong sweetie.
xoxo
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