Friday, October 10, 2008

~Changes in Progress...~

(Bohemian Joy, and Summer Song in progress...:)



It stands to reason, that with the changing of the seasons...and the changes in my life...that so too, is my art. I've been feeling a little dissatisfied with it lately...like I've been pushing it...over thinking it. (Which, coincidentally, is what I do in many areas of my life.)

Growing up, I had the privilege of watching a fantastic artist struggle, and work, and grow...My father is the quintessential, eccentric artist...an extreme perfectionist, who left me awestruck...and VERY intimidated. I remember when I was about twelve, and he found one of my sketches on my bedroom floor...it was a pencil crayon drawing of a saloon showgirl, of all things. Let's just say that his critique made me no less passionate about art, but ensured that I kept my work hidden for years...knowing full well that it wasn't good enough.

How often we take experiences like this, and let them alter how we view ourselves. This is one of many interactions that left a mark on me. This is what I was thinking about the other day when I was staring at my canvas wondering why I just wasn't 'feelin' the love' for it. It was because I was standing there worrying about proportions...choosing the right colour palette...trying to get the shading right...blah, blah, blah. I'd totally lost the joy...that connection with our souls that we feel whenever we a focusing, deeply creating...and so I walked away. I sat with this for a few days...and then I let it go...not completely, but enough to bring me to freedom...and colour...swirly free-formed flowers, and little retro birds...and proportions be-damned! And after spending this weekend in class...I will be spending part of my holiday Monday singing...dancing...and painting. Who knows, I might actually get something finished. ;-)


Have a Happy LONG Weekend...
xo

11 comments:

Brandi said...

first, those paintings are already absolutely LOVELY. I can't wait to see what the finished product is!

I think you and I have the same barometer-actually, I think it should be everyone's barometer-when you aren't doing it because you love it, time to readjust.

absolutely. I was actively discouraged NOT to pursue art-not a 'real' profession, you know. finally feeling comfortable calling myself an artist was one of the great victories of my life.

julochka said...

both of those canvases look to me like pure summer joy...i hope you find your creative space to move in once again and not feel restricted.

:-)
/julie

solsticedreamer said...

your word is beautiful!

but oh how i know the feeling of past events or comments affecting me years later!

smith kaich jones said...

Fighting against our past is so difficult. I am trying to teach myself to just accept what was & go on. You sound as if you are doing a terrific job of this. And your art shows it!

:) debi

daisies said...

oh my gosh, that daisy flower painting makes my heart sing SING !!! LOVE :) so blissful and so beautiful ... hope your weekend was filled with bliss, xo

Lil said...

these last few months i've been trying to find the beginning point of my inablility to try to succeed. i have times like you've described here ~ perfection be damned and all that...but then i falter.

reading words like yours encourages little ol' me...because i see what you create/manifest and it all feels so free of any of that shit...and full of LOVE...

thank you...

lil

pERiWinKle said...

Oh yes! when you close your eyes and paint with your heart you blossom! I love these!!! The daisies speak to my heart...but oh! the colors in the other painting makes me wanna dance and sing!!! Have fun! xx

Carol said...

Those paintings are beautiful... and I hear where you're coming from about over thinking it.

Kip de Moll said...

My father (paintings on my blog) has been such a HUGE talented artist and architect in my life, it has taken 50 years to even begin to understand the influence and (unintended) intimidation. We have no idea how devastating our words can be.
You are rising to the song in your own soul beautifully.

Jaime said...

Your paintings are so beautiful Celeste. Simply beautiful.

I understand this too...I come from a family of serious artists, and sometimes feel so small and intimidated. But let us keep creating, drawing, painting, taking pictures, manifesting out of love for OURSELVES first.

Lots of love
xoxo

Melissa said...

My husband said this to me on our wedding day when I was upset about my hair and he said it looked beautiful, "You're just a harder judge than I am." Tis true.

I also agree with the comment about how we have no idea the damage we can do with our words. We 'think' we're being helpful or we're jealous or we're in a bad mood or we're so not-satisfied with ourselves that we can't be satisfied with anyone else. I'm sure he'd want to eat his own tongue if he'd truly known what his words would 'create'. Art isn't the only thing we can create. Sometimes what we end up creating is bleeding boo-boos in each other.

Oh, the wonder-full/pain-full mystery of Life.

~Paint stained fingers~
Melissa