~Silencing The Censor~

Sister Secrets 2005



This morning I was looking at some photos of old paintings. This is one that always makes me smile....Looking at it takes me back to when I painted it...the pure joy of playing with the colours...the not knowing where it was going to end up. I felt confident in my abilities at this time...fully knowing that this is what I was born to do. I painted a lot during this time period.

I remember how proud I was when it was purchased by a complete stranger in Florida to gift her own dear sister. It was one of the first pieces I sold online.

Lately though, I've been looking at my canvases with uncertainty...even apprehension.
I know it's my very own personal critic rearing his head up again...Isn't it amazing how they can stop you cold in your tracks? He's actually been popping in for little visits since I was a kid. He comes complete with his sarcastic little list of 'Ya Rights'
*Ya right....you are SO creative...
*Ya right...someone like YOU can make a living selling your art...
*Ya right...you can do WHATEVER you set your mind too...
*Ya right...you're just Soooooo wonderful...
He goes on and on...Now I could tell you who's face my critic wears, but that would take laying on a leather couch for hours, and someone with a Freudian degree to sort through all that.

Truth be known...I've climbed out of this several times before. I've got my tattered copy of Juila Cameron's The Artist's Way...I'm surrounded by truly inspiring people...and I'll be sending someone packing in a few days...hopefully permanently...because he has really worn out his welcome around here!

~My Cherished Beauty~

"...every daughter contains her mother, and all the women who came before her.The unrealized dreams of our maternal ancestors are part of our heritage." Dr. Christiane Northrup

*Birthday Aspirations*

Well...here it is...Outside is starkly beautiful...cold,grey,covered with freshly fallen snow...
Inside is warm, cozy, peaceful....kind of sunshiney...I've got my beautiful necklace,made by Jen on. I wish I could put a link onto her etsy shop, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet...
Last night I treated myself to a new journal to spill all my newly 39 year old thoughts into. I've always made birthday wishes, although I've never been one to believe that they won't come true if you don't keep them a secret. Pretty much, there isn't a place more unsecret(I'm sure that's not a word!) than a blog...

This year I'm not really making 'wishes'...more like aspirations...things that I have started to do, and want to continue exploring...

*First...learning to listen...to my children...my love...others, and MYSELF...my body...my heart. It takes a lot of effort sometimes for me just to zip it!

*Opening up...I've never been one to just shamelessly put myself out there, but I want to be!

*Filling up my well...to let it overflow with the things that bring me such joy,and satifaction....painting, yoga, playing guitar...singing...writing...

*Learning to be kinder to myself(again...I'm learning),and more understanding of others.

I'm also hoping(and I'm sure my kids are too) that my husband brings me a great big icecream cake home from work tonight! Yuuuummmmmmmyyyyy! Then I'm going to have a great time belting out some classic '70's karaoke with the girls....



Cheers!

*In The Silence That Surrounds...

Yet another unfinished painting....
This is one that danced around in my head for a long, long time. I have found over the past couple of years that the 'quiet' parts of my life, are as important as the 'loud' ones. I have discovered that for me,the calm and chaos walk hand in hand...and that if mama doesn't get here quiet time...she isn't as pleasant to be around.

Sometimes when I'm sitting in my silence, I like to imagine that the air is filled with beautiful,inspiring words just swirling, and whispering around me...

It is here I can almost physically touch creativity...MAGIC! Now to pick up the brushes, and complete her...and all the others that patiently wait...

Hope you are having an enchanting day....

*Once Upon A Time...

... a young, naive couple brought home their beautiful newborn son home, and proudly presented him to his grandpa. The grandpa looked down at the tiny little boy and whistfully said,'Just you wait...one day it will seem like you blinked, and he was grown.'

'Ya right...as if...'Both of the new parents thought...And so, a kaleidescope of years began to spin by.

This is one of my favorite early memories of being a mom.It's been playing in my mind a little more lately...now that this little boy has about four inches of height...and thirty pounds on his mom. I guess too, I'm thinking about it today now that Dylan has (temporarily)returned to being dependant on us for all his needs.

Being the parents of a teenager truly did creep up on us. Suddenly, your child is rolling out of bed at noon, and you get to see him for thirty seconds before the phone rings, and he's running out the door to 'hang out'. I guess the only 'good'??? thing about his accident is that we are getting a little more precious time...because once he's healed up he'll be off and running again...

*Happy New Year?????!

We're off to a bit of a rough start this year. I got a call shakey-voiced call from my son's hockey team manager at 10:30pm, last Thursday night. Dylan had gone up on a bus with his hockey team for a game. I was told that my beautiful boy had ended up getting his left leg broken. He'd been checked into the boards by a couple of opposition players. Of course, we weren't with him...he was in another town two hours away! They didn't have proper facilities there at their little hospital to set his leg, so...he had to take a two hour ambulance ride to the children's hospital in Calgary. My husband drove in and met him there at 2:30 in the morning...He's home safe...with a cast from his toes to his thigh! Hopefully he won't need surgery. We will know for sure on Thursday morning when he goes back to the doctor for a follow-up.

And then on a much more minor note...my computer has kind of crapped out too...so I'm a little behind what I wanted to post here...and I can't get at my pics. Either I'll get my current one figured out and fixed...or I'll put my foot throught the monitor, and get a new one...

I'm still keeping my glass half full though...of yummy red wine! Thanks for all the lovely comments on my previous posts.

Smiles!